Just realized it has been way too long since my last post. I've been helping my church launch their blog and that has been using all my free time, but it has been fun.

Gotta blog here again soon. Too many ideas in my head. I'll go insane.

We are a culture bent on knowing people.

We feel like we should know who are neighbors are, we should know our friends, know our favorite waitress, know our dental hygienist. We buy tabloids and People magazines in order to "know" celebrities. Sportscasters tell anecdotes about our favorite athletes and we eat it up. We want to know Terry Schiavo, Michael Jackson, the plight of Palestinians, the minds of murderers, and all the "human interest" stories the media throws at us. We seek to put faces with names, and study those faces until we know every line, every imperfection. As we sit and meditate on the faces of those in the limelight, we forget our own features. We become strangers with the face in the mirror, but experts of the faces in the paper.

As faceless masses, we desperately reach out for something to which we can stake our identity. Work, relationships, activities, whatever can give us a sense of belonging to something "greater than us." As we reach for an identity, we reach out. We reach to outward things that we think can shape our identity. In reality, we need to reach inward as well as, if not instead of, reaching out. Not that we rely on our own sense of self to provide an identity, but that we truly discover the person we were created to be. Instead, we seem to allow external elements to define our internal qualities. By doing so, we become schizophrenic. Who we believe ourselves to be is determined by our environment and how it responds to us. This is temporal . . . ever changing. It is more of a mask than a face, and the world today resembles a masquerade ball of behemoth proportions.

There is comfort in wearing the mask. I know this. I have worn many masks in my life. The good son, the good friend, the achieving student, the good Christian, the hard worker, the good husband, the good father, and the nice guy. Those don't sound like bad masks, in fact they sound rather admirable. In theory they are. My problem is that I found comfort in a level of mediocrity that was acceptable. I was a good enough son that I escaped my parents' disappointment. I was a good enough friend to keep the relationship. I failed to be much more than that. With a greater knowledge of who I am created to be, I can be much more than just the nice guy. I can fulfill my role as someone uniquely qualified to be me, Dustin Staiger. As the bell finds purpose in ringing, I find purpose in fulfilling my call. Instead of being a good father who provides a home and food to my kids, attends ballets and ball games; I can embrace my love of family traditions and start some myself. I can embrace my creative bent and answer my daughter's questions in new and fresh ways that will intrigue her and stick with her. I can share my passion for art and music with my kids and open their eyes to a whole new way of looking at the world. On the other hand, I could be content with being a faceless father. Happy to do whatever external elements tell me a "good father" does.

When I settle for that compromised standard, I might see my face in the mirror but I don't know that I could live with what I see.

Got together with a friend today for lunch. He and I used to be on a team that met once a week. Now we rarely see each other. So, it was good to catch up. Ben is in a rock and roll band. Sounds funny to say it that way because it almost cheapens what he does. I really respect him as a person above all else. He is one of those people that is so insanely honest that you may not know if you should be uncomfortable with his candidness or if you should be embarrassed of your own guardedness. Anymore, I'm comfortable with him and have gotten to the point that I can be much more open and honest with him. Partly because I don't feel like he'll judge me. I feel like most people will. Being around him helps me be less pretentious and just be myself. It's freeing. I missed that, so maybe that was part of why I wanted to get together with him.

Anyway, I realized how few "authentic" moments I have with people. That's discouraging. I consider myself a genuine person. I hate giving contrived compliments to people. I really struggle to tell someone something encouraging when I thought they stunk it up somehow. If I applaud, it is sincere. Still, there is some pretense in how I engage people. I calculate and adjust based on who I'm with. I realize that if I respond a certain way, I may be misunderstood. So, I refrain. I subdue. I restrain. I assume there is a certain amount of maturity in this. You do what is appropriate. But why do I feel as though it denies authentic expression?

Can we be authentic with everyone? Most everyone? Several people? ANYONE?

Ugh. This is hard for me. I am so stinking self-conscious. I worry too much about what people think of me. I worry too much about offending others. I should be considerate, but trust me, it's beyond that. I'm learning how to be myself. Heck, I'm learning who-in-the-world I actually AM. In that, I'm seeing how I haven't been myself around so many people. I just give them what I think they want. I'm starting to think that all those movies and TV shows I grew up watching were right. Just be yourself. Yes it's cheesy and easier said than done. Still, it's worth doing.

It also can bring up a scary question . . . "Who am I?"

Are you willing to ask that? Then, are you willing to BE that?

JollyBlogger references The Dane's post on why we are wasting our time fighting a culture war. (by the way, I love The Dane's color scheme)

"Right, well see, culture isn't nearly so mysterious a topic as some would have you believe. It's not anything noble or grand. It's not something that moves and breathes. It's not anything like that. Essentially, culture is nothing greater than the natural byproduct of society, or community. When people gather together, the natural reflection of who they are and what they believe is that pile of stuff we call "culture.""

Definitely makes a person think. I believe I agree with much of what he is espousing. My community influences my ideology, which is expressed in my culture. I can also see how many evangelicals are out there trying to put band-aids and ointments on cancerous sores instead of attacking the cancer itself.

More . . .
""Oh yeah, regarding the gospel driving one to produce excellence? I think that's just not right. I think there is a divorce between the gospel and aesthetics. I don't think they're concerned with each other. I think we see this in the preaching of Paul. No doubt his words were powerful and the Spirit moved with strength through his proclamation of the gospel - yet he himself mentions that he wasn't and excellent speaker. So evidently, the gospel didn't drive him to oratory excellence."

I'm not so certain of his ambivalence toward excellence. There's a divorce between the gospel and aesthetics? AIIIEEE!!! Seems to me that the gospel oozes aesthetics. It is presented to us in well-crafted parables of Jesus, written in a picturesque manner by Matt/Mark/Luke/John, and furthered in later epistles written with keen insight and wisdom. OK, maybe Paul was not the best orator, but his skill of writing was excellent. Yes, God can make water of wine, but that doesn't mean we neglect the vineyard. Paul encourages Timothy to stir up his gifts, could that also be a charge to use your talents so as to refine them? What about giving God our best offering, as well? This may not mean the most excellent offering, but it would seem to mean our greatest effort toward that.

At the same time, I can see too great a reliance on aesthetics as well. Focusing on aesthetics does put our abilities before God's. Using my earlier illustration, do we refuse Jesus' water-into-wine saying, "That's nice Jesus, but I was really hoping for a Don Perignon."? Maybe the truth lies somewhere in between. Strive for excellence, and where we fail, God's grace is sufficient.

I've had a hard time getting alone with God lately. I play basketball at 5:45 AM each Tues/Thurs. I meet a friend for breakfast each Wednesday. So, that leaves Sun/Mon/Fri/Sat that I could get up early and have a solid block of "alone time" with God. That hasn't been happening. I think my biggest problem is going to bed at a decent hour.

I love staying up late. I hate the idea of falling asleep before 11 PM. I love to read and often times, after work, dinner, kids to bed, a little cleaning or bills, and getting ready for bed myself . . . I end up with thirty minutes to an hour of personal time when I can read. I hate the idea of giving that up.

Still, I know mornings are my best time to seek solitude and if I don't get to bed any earlier, I won't get up any earlier. Maybe I'm missing something here???

I have been under the weather with bronchitis, so I haven't had the energy to blog lately. I've been thinking a lot and hope to have time to put my words to paper/screen soon.

OK, I love Extreme Makeover Home Edition. I think I cry with every episode, which is why I also hate the show. I love the idea that a "deserving family," as they put it, gets rewarded with a home that is tailor-made to their personalities. It is pretty amazing what they can do in seven days of remodeling. Lately it seems as though they tear down the homes and start from scratch more than remodeling. Something inside me cringes as they yank down walls and flatten the house with a bulldozer. At the end of the show, when they compare before/after shots, some of the magic seems to have been lost also. Instead of seeing how they restored a home that had fallen on hard times, you see two completely different houses. It seems less like a rebirth, and more like a replacement. Homes aren't the only things we tear down and replace in America.

As a society, we are impatient with restoration. We'd rather scrap our old furniture and buy all new. We'd rather get that shiny, new Chevy Cobalt than repair our five year old Cavalier. We'd rather see a new CEO than see a man restored to the stature he lost through a mistake. We are impatient. We want our drug addicts cured overnight and our obsessive gamblers following a budget next week or we'll burn them at the stake today. If you're in the limelight, better be careful. If you have a lapse in moral or ethical behavior, then you may capped with a black hat permanently (i.e. Jimmy Swaggart, Jim Baker, Frank Gifford, and Bernie Ebbers). It will be interesting to see what happens when Martha Stewart steps back out into public life. Some will say she paid her debt, others will say she doesn't deserve to reclaim her fame and fortune. Both views may be wrong.

We can't forgive and forget by placing a man back into a ministerial position immediately after an affair or embezzlement. That would be foolish. At the same time, do we eternally condemn them either? This penchant for drastic response is probably built upon our simplistic view of people. We want to place people in one of two categories: good and bad. No matter your track record, if you fall from grace then we find it terribly difficult to reconcile your established character and your actions. We then condemn the fallen and try to replace them with an unblemished, virgin leader. . . only to see them sacrificed to the idol of the ideal as well.

So, we can continue to plow over those who fail like wrecking balls and bulldozers. We can wipe the foundation clean and build from scratch. We can construct a pristine structure to replace the decrepit slum. Or, we can roll up our sleeves and start the restoration process. It won't be easy, but how else will we experience the beauty of seeing people restored to their former glory?

If loving God with all our heart and soul and might is the greatest commandment, then it follows that not loving him that way is the greatest sin. - R.A.Torrey

Sometimes, at the end of a long day, I try to recall what it is I have accomplished. I try to itemize my accomplishments as a laundry list of "to do's" and "done's." How many to do's became done's? Is that the measuring stick of the effectiveness and validity of my life? Would I like my epitaph to read, "Here lies Dustin Staiger. He got a lot done."? Or do I want people close to me to hold me accountable with questions like, "Did you check a lot off your list today?" There has to be a higher standard.

I work in marketing. One of the important responsibilities I have is evaluating the effectiveness of our marketing campaigns. Without an understanding of a campaign's effectiveness, I would not know if those tactics were worth the investment. If it is important enough to track a postcard or a radio ad, what about my life? The most precious thing God has entrusted to me, my life, could be squandered more easily than marketing campaigns and advertising spots. How does someone gauge effectiveness in life, though? It wouldn't be through marketing surveys or business reply cards. So, what is that measuring stick? Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.

At the end of the day can I say I fulfilled that command, which Jesus called the most important commandment of God? How many of the checks on my list begin to fade when held up to this standard? Suddenly, I realize that fulfilling my agenda without regard to loving the Lord nullifies my effort. I realize my words were a resounding gong or clashing cymbal, my "sacrifices" were for no gain, and for everything I thought I had become... I was nothing (1 Corinthians 13:1-3). What a tremendous loss it is to pursue the in's and out's of my life with a cold methodism completely apart from the true purpose of my life: to love God with all my heart and soul and might. A tremendous loss not only to me, but to those around me, and to the heart of God.

I pray I would allow God to open the eyes of my heart. May I truly long for the Lord as a deer longs for water. May I see people with the compassion and love which Christ sees them, and may my actions be a reflection of that love. Lord, help me to gauge my life by my love for You.

Ever go to Wal-Mart and get the friendliest, warmest greeting at the door? An older lady or gentleman who is well into their retirement years gives you their cheery smile and says, "Welcome to Wal-Mart." Maybe they give a smiley face sticker to your kid and make a comment about how cute he/she is. You then meander the cavernous, modern day mercantile, and find what you need if you're lucky (because most of the clerks won't come within 10 feet of you, lest you ask a question). You then find a place in line behind the 8 other people with 20 or fewer (it should be "less") items and the one person with 21 or more items. You get to the register, place your items on the conveyer belt, and wait to consummate the sale. The young person working the register never looks up, doesn't notice your kid, and mumbles something inaudible, requiring you to look at the screen to see your total amount. You pay, fish your sacks out of a carousel of empty bags, and move toward the door without as much as a thank you from the cashier. As you exit, the friendly lady/gentleman at the door bids you a good day.

This brings up some questions for me:

#1 How does Wal-Mart get away with this?
#2 What's the difference between the greeter and the cashier?

#1 is a question for another day. A day when I'm a bit less cynical.

I'd like to focus on #2. What's the difference? Besides age, that is. There may be a lot of differences: upbringing, experiences, motivation, social skills, etc. Motivation. . . that sticks with me. What motivates the cashier? Money? Having a job where they don't have to break a sweat? (realize I'm talking about our hypothetical cashier and not indicting all Wal-Mart cashiers) What motivates the greeter? Maybe he/she likes to meet new people, enjoys the children, wants to brighten people's days. Yes he/she may have felt coerced into getting a job at their age because of financial stresses, but they chose one they thought they might enjoy. Something that helps others in a small way. Something that could even be inspirational. Now, they may never use the word inspirational to describe their job, but it might be very fitting. Inspiration is synonymous with encouragement, and the greeters at Wal-Mart may very well be the only encouraging thing there.

So, what's my point? Are you doing what inspires you? Better yet, do you know what inspires you? It is well worth the effort to discover your inspiration. It could be almost anything, reading books, enjoying nature, observing art, listening to music, playing a sport, learning something new, meaningful conversations, being creative, serving others, meeting with big groups, meeting in small groups, or even times of solitude. I'd like to call them "inspiration stations." Find those things that stir a passion in your soul, that give you a charge of purpose, that encourage you and lift you up. Pursue those inspiration stations and find new and exciting paths that lead you to them. It's often easy to see how your personal time can be used as a path, but what about your job, your family, your church, or your friends? Then, like the greeter at Wal-Mart, how can you inspire others?

I'm going to try and write more on inspiration over the next several days. What it means to our daily lives, our businesses, our churches, and our culture.

Last week I showed up early for my weekly breakfast with a friend. I ordered a cup of coffee and read ahead in Buck Naked Faith. I poured my sweetener and cream into the coffee. I was about to stir them in, when I felt as thought God told me to wait. Milky clouds developed inside my dark cup of brew. They swirled and billowed in seemingly symphonic bursts. It was beautiful, if you can say that about a cup of IHOP coffee. (Oh, and yes I realize this is another post on coffee. Don't worry, I'm not obsessed with java.) I sensed God telling me, "This season of change is beautiful. Embrace it! Don't just look forward to the end product."

Now God wasn't talking about my coffee. He was referencing me, of course. If you've read some of my other posts, you can see that I am going through a process right now. I'm in the middle of it. God has been challenging my faith in many ways. This has caused me to question a lot of my beliefs and to seek out answers. My inclination is to try and bear the process as I look forward to the resulting changes. That's a product of western thinking. Linear thinking. God is asking me to not miss the journey because I'm obsessed with the destination. People say that so often, it's become cliché. Still, it is true and it is hard to live by that philosophy within our goal-oriented culture.

So, here I am . . . my spirit swirling light and dark. I have not "arrived," but I press on and embrace this season of change.

Here's a good example of a company trying to be authentic. I think it succeeds.

Hallmark.com was down several times on Valentine's day. Instead of acting like it never happened or trying to justify the down time, Hallmark sent an apology letter. Bravo!